My Name, My Name, My Name, Pamuregeji!

Someone called to lament complain about use of a “different” name on the Daily Report interview by Ify Onyegbulu. Of the 2945-word compelling interview, all a number of folks saw to bemoan was a use of my middle name and maiden last name.

I was about to return to my afternoon nap, as I recover from a stressful week beginning 8th December, but I knew I needed to address this to give answers to those who may not wish to call this out directly and hundreds who may not have direct access to me.

Dear men (especially), the reality of our culture is that your wives have two names and BOTH ARE VALID. Her former classmates would address her as her maiden name, take no offence or have your ego rewired to drill in the fact that, ki agbado to de, nkankan ni adie n’je!" Before the arrival of corn, the fowl had something to eat.

If you want to query the FACT that BOTH NAMES ARE VALID, go and review your marriage certificate and come and tell me the name of the person who signed as your wife. Tell me whether she used her maiden or married surname. Any newspaper publication for change of name is AFTER THE FACT. 

If you were legally married in the USA or have dual American citizenship, come and tell me whether your mother’s maiden name was written or her adopted last name as "Mrs. Your Father" or "Mrs. Her Husband". In Nigeria, you are joined in marriage to a “maiden”, who signed into marriage with her maiden name and no law (as far as I know) compels her to change or retain her name, it is open ended. The honour of a woman adopting husband’s last name should be respected not compelled or enforced.

But the least of abuse problems on our hands is the issue of name. The man who married me signed my residency documents in my maiden name. Let’s focus on ending widow abuse and other dehumanising rituals against women.

Back to the Daily Report...

Ms. Ify Onyegbulu initially used Dr. Anne Muyiwa and I reached her to correct this and to possibly add a.k.a. The idea of “also known as” was unacceptable to her and she elected to use Anne Famuyiwa because the weblink already carried a short form of this name. Doing otherwise would have meant retracting the entire link to generate a new one. Thankfully the image in the Q & A represents the same widow known as Omolola Famuyiwa or Omolola Omoteso; c’est la meme chose. Readers need also to understand that Reporters and Editors reserve the right to identify "Guests" as they deem appropriate especially where the "production" is not commissioned.

The package by Channels Television identified me simply as Omolola Omoteso and added the tag widow as this was appropriate for the issue at hand, "culture of silence" in reference to widow abuse.

Joke Silva and Joke Jacobs are one and the same person. She established that her maiden name would remain her brand name as an actress. To honour the bond of marriage, she retained Joke Jacobs for home affairs. I do not know what her passport or voter’s card says.

Corporate entities have legally registered names but they are still permitted to use trade names as well as brand or product names. Brad's Drink was the original name for a product which came to be known as Pepsi-Cola across the world. That same was renamed Pepsi 58 years ago.

The Oloye Ayora of Ijebuland and 25th President of ICAN, who became a Head Mistress at the age of 19, deviated from the norm when she used the name and compound-surname Bola Kuforiji-Olubi. The surname represented her first and second husbands. According to a news report:

“She had separated from the father of her children, but she kept the Kuforiji name in the interest of her children and as, she is legally entitled to so do.”

In addition to her academic and chieftaincy title as Ayora, she was also Ahaneji-Agamba 1 of Isu-Nkwere (meaning the name that opens doors). She was honoured as Asiwaju Iyalode of Ibadanland, Suada of Egba, Igbokodo-Okeona and Lika of Ikija from the quarters where her paternal grandmother came from. She also held the title of Adaidake-Egburutu, one of the highest chieftaincy titles that can be given to anyone in that region.

It is not her titles I wish to reference but the fact that many do not even know the maiden surname of this woman who was honoured across cultural divide in her lifetime. Her own choice was to retain the names of the two men who were part of her life, and she did this even following her second divorce.

In Saudi Arabia, a married woman does not and indeed is not allowed to adopt her husband's name as her surname. In some Asian countries, a newly married couple are to adopt a neutral name that reflects the man and the woman’s former names while in some European countries the woman retains her maternal grandmother’s name.

Names are identifiers and we must not be stuck at the stage of judgement except the person identified is using different names or aliases to scam or defraud people.

I was given 8 (mejo) names at birth; all were written in a diary I took possession of (I do not know if it is one of the things stolen from our 5bed home from which Jenny Flom and other fraudsters locked me out). Two were reflected on my birth certificate and I adopted one as a baptism requirement. Completely unnecessary if you ask me today but the name is reflected in some of my documents and has stuck.

In the USA, I am well known as Omolola Famuyiwa but I had a professor who pleaded to use my middle name because he never could pronounce Omolola, which I insisted on.

In Nigeria, I am known and addressed as Dr. Omolola Omoteso, of course many who knew me before my marriage address me with my full maiden name or hyphenate my last as Famuyiwa-Omoteso, or my preferred option Omoteso-Famuyiwa. I deliberately use Omolola Omoteso more now in honour of my beloved, Bola Omoteso. His family have been wicked but we shared a bond that remains unconditional. I had a vice principal who picked my traditional adulatory name off my birth certificate and called me that “n’gbati” name though he was Igbo. He wrote my testimonial and of his own volition used this preferred name.

I have signed for and used my husband’s names in situations where I needed to represent him, speak for him or answer for him as he can no longer answer for himself. I have had cause to use pseudo names in situations where confidentiality or anonymity were required, but never have I used fictitious names to defraud or misrepresent.

Of course, in the heat of advocacy to end widow abuse, push for justice for myself and other widows and campaign for a reformation of probate laws, when other handlers posted to my brand-named handle, posts were done in third person to defray the threat of libel as well as research how people would respond to strangers’ cry for help. This was also done to focus more attention on the issue than the person. The story of Anne or Omolola is the story of a thousand and more widows across the world.

To make it simple for those who appear confused, let us just say:

Omolola Famuyiwa = First Name + Maiden Surname

Omolola Omoteso = First Name + Maritally-Adopted Surname 

@AnneMuyiwa is a brand name which is from Anne Famuyiwa, a combination of my baptism middle name (French version of Anna meaning Grace) and maiden surname. Abike, my adulatory name, may take the place of Anne as middle name. Abike has become my father’s preferred name. He recently switched, so I switched from calling him Baba Adura to Baba Abike. I grew up hearing my Dad and his siblings call my brother a different name

from what my Mother and her siblings call him. Both names appear on his birth certificate.

Jesus Christ, MY DADDY, is known by gazillion names including Ogbejakeruobonija, Ogbenuomoeniyanfohun, Ogbamugbamuojuorunosegbamu, Oranomolajodurowoledeni, Apanlatosoileaiyero! 😀 As I am His beloved daughter, my greatest prayer has been to be a name, a face and a voice locally and globally. For this, my best identity remains Omolola or O. I sign off most of my emails in either.

Adults should learn not to run after eczema while leaving leprosy to fester. The day has five (5) names - Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Night. Midnight. Let’s remember the saying, “Oruko to wu ni la mi je, l’oke oya!” At the end of the day, a name is merely an identifier, it is why Williams in America choose to go by Bill, though the etymology appears to make no sense. As identifier, people elect what they wish to address you as (a newspaper recently renamed PMB as GMB) but you may elect not to respond. My right to an identity is my choice to make; it is an inalienable human right. 

This is Omolola or Omolola lo n’soro has been how I identify myself on phone to my friends. MAMI would always respond to my morning greeting with, Kaaro Omolola, Omoleye, Omolayo, Omoniike; she would continue with every good name she can prefix with Omo as adulation and end it with prayers. 

Introducing myself as Omolola in foreign conferences leads to, “Beautiful name, what does it mean.” Or “Tonal name, which country are you from?” This leads me to wear my toga as a cultural consultant and ambassador for my homeland or the land I now call home.

To introduce ourselves as children, during playtime in Nigeria we circled around in a dance as we sang:

My name, my name, my name

Pamuregeji

My name is Omolola

Pamuregeji

I live in Ame-Naija 😀

Pamuregeji, iregeji, iregejikeke

Pamuregeji!

Across the USA - from Athens to Maryland to Virginia to DC to Englewood and beyond I introduce myself as Mrs. Omolola and give children the option to call me Mrs. O. I tried Dr. O. once and I had to explain why and how I am a doctor without a physical stethoscope!

One day, a Caucasian toddler in my care, who had difficulty with the Mrs. needed my urgent attention with his snack; he just said, O! At first, I didn’t realise, until he tugged at me. 😀

Since then, O. yen na wa alright!

Sincerely,

O.