The female is endangered. Myself and advocates working with me have continued to hit the tempered glass of patriarchal subjugation in hope that we can shatter it to liberate females and release the full potential of females for the benefit of humanity.
At 6.44AM, I received two forwarded messages from someone who knows my passion and is aware of my support to initiatives focused on social justice. This must have been God-led as I know that invitations must have gone out days before today to many. Obviously 6.44AM was late for a 10AM event. It was particularly challenging because I had worked till that moment and was sleep deprived. But I made up my mind to join and set my alarm so catch a wink. I eventually joined via voice at 11.20AM as zoom video network on mobile data kept logging me off. The programme titled CONVERSATIONS was by The Women’s Helping Hands Initiative, a vision I became a part of as a member of the Lighthouse Ladies Fellowship.
The menu of speakers was highly commendable. It was unfortubate that we had neither the presence nor the speech from the First Lady of Edo State.
As I listened in, I beat myself over the VISIBLE SILENCE of the word WIDOW. This is not the first time. I was glad that this conversation was proof that Cares Global Network’s Bola Memorial Watch was doing advocacy right by pushing for inclusion of widows on the agenda - with FIDA, with NBA, with Ministry of Women Affairs, with Presidency, with Senate President, with President, with Legislators, with other stakeholders especially media and civil societies. We have championed the cause of End Widow Abuse through our national initiative - Walk With Widows and global initiative - Cares Coalition. We hosted the first ever international Justice for Widows Press Conference on August 18, 2020. The report is available on request.
CONVERSATIONS built on all the efforts many have made including the conversation we had on August 25 with the Honourable Commissioner (Minna) for Women Affairs and Social Development and Permanent Secretary on the instance of the First Lady for Minna, Dr. Amina Bello.
I was thrilled to realise the focus was not only the shelter run by The Women’s Helping Hands Initiative but gender and sexual based violence and the culture of silence.
The flyer and zoom link did not note CONVERSATIONS as gender based programme, which was smart considering the animosity some have towards the issue. But sadly, this fed into the culture of silence. As the CONVERSATIONS progressed, the key words came to the fore culture, beat, abuse, molest, assault, silence.
The Representative of FIDA shared effort and pointed out that everybody is a stakeholder. She mentioned an area where we also experienced challenge and put it succinctly as, “rivalry between organisations”. We were able to combat this by calling for synergy which worked well and is birthing results. Still, there are those focused more on being the champion of the cause. We all must understand that this battle for the emancipation of females can only be won TOGETHER with all gender based abuse issues in the salad bowl.
She advised moving to the rural areas which we are presently doing with Walk With Widows. We will do this better if we are able to partner with FIDA who is she said has 34 units across the nation where paralegal aides are being trained to be the voice of the abused.
Sadly, FIDA is one of the organisations that have failed many widows and asked folks considered “non indigent” by their own profiling to go to court. I speak from experience. If we must win, all matters bothering on gender ABUSE, must be taken seriously and championed with the exclusion of NONE.
She identified abuse as CRIME and spoke spiritedly on the need for due process - Report, Investigation, Prosecution. Sadly access to justice is controlled in Nigeria by public pressure, media hype, activist’ advocacy, influenza ego massage and funds for lawyer and court, which many widows do not have access to since abuse includes disinheritance and disenfranchisement.
She mentioned that Federal Ministry of Women Affairs can serve as a body coordinating voices for the liberation of women. I am delighted that BMW-Cares have reached Mrs. Pauline Tallen. She also mentioned NANTIP and National Human Rights Commission. Sadly these two have silenced and/or avoided the issue of widows.
In introducing Mrs. Aisha Buhari, Mrs Osinbajo commended “the voice you have put behind this...” issue of gender based violence.
At intervals during the programme, letters from residents of the shelter run by TWHHI were read. They pointed out issues abused females go through, they include - suicidal thoughts, depression, demotivation, schizophrenia and low self esteem.
When the Honourable Minister - Pauline Tallen took the mic, she passionately chronicled that the last “few months has been depressing and distressing with unimaginable offence of rape which reached an embarrassing and alarming rate.” She noted the “political commitment at the highest level” and that her ministry is leaving no stone unturned to emancipate females.
Dr. Amina Abubakar Sani Bello, introduced as the President of Wives Northern Governors’ Forum spoke with passion and strength. She is one woman in the forefront of this burning advocacy. She mentioned that due to concerted efforts, HIV AIDS is no longer stigmatised and we can do the same by pushing for law, pushing for shelter and pushing for prosecution to finally remove the scourge of gender based abuse. She reiterated her commitment and the commitment of other governors wives to reducing gender based violence.
It was disappointing that Mrs. Betsy Obaseki Edo President of Wives Southern Governors’ Forum could not join us.
Mrs. Bisi Fayemi, Gender and Development Specialist and President of Forum of Spouses of Ekiti State Officials (FOSESO), a First Lady in the forefront of conversations around gender based violence spoke on the need “to accelerate effort against gender based violence; the need for us to all do more... to bridge the huge gaps between the laws and what they mean... the need to close the gap between policy framework and what it means to ordinary citizens.”
As this was going on on zoom, as always, it dawned on me that those speaking have excluded widow abuse from gender based violence. This conversation MUST include WIDOWS and it appeared like I would have to do it if it must be done. Widow abuse - dehumanisation, discrimination, disenfranchisement, disinheritance and forced marriage to brother in law of other persons and sexual cleansing, which includes RAPE is gender based VIOLENCE.
Mrs. Buhari, wife of the President of Nigeria was introduced by Mrs. Osinbajo, wife of the Vice President who is the Chief Host of CONVERSATIONS, a symposium and the unveiling of two short films.
In taking over the virtual microphone, she acknowledged the Chief Host, Minister, Governors Wives, Panelists, as well as the TWHHI team.
“I thank my sister for inviting me for the unveiling of this interesting but heartbreaking agony that women go through.” She noted that she had a workshop on gender based violence in December 2017 to which judges from FCT and all states were invited. She recounted that a judge from Edo State noted that some “men don’t respect letters from court”.
I wanted to scream “Then have Police arrest them!” But I was cowed by the TRUTH of my own story - 4 years on and Nigeria Police continues to play hide and seek with the criminals as some officers asked and took bribe to silence the matter while some other forthright officers and attorneys are pushing slowly but surely against the tide to bring the fraudsters, two of whom are lawyers, to answer for their CRIME of widow abuse which includes impersonation, forgery and fraud.
She continued, “Now that we have a Minister of Women Affairs who works with passion and who is vibrant, we have been able to do a lot from the side of the Executives with passion and empathy... What remains is to mount pressure through those who have portfolios.
She noted the heartbreaking fact that those in the South report cases more but the problem is with Police and Judiciary. Conversely those in the North seldom report and often ensure stories does not go round. She insisted, “We should mount more pressure on Minister of Women Affairs who is ready to help. We can rely on her.” She suggested the importance of Police and Judiciary having special desk that will attend to only these two cases - gender based abuse and sexual violence. She also suggested that Mrs. Fayemi can mobilise the First Ladies to speak to their husbands. This is something we at BMW-Cares Walk With Widows have started and our first point of call was the First Lady for Minna who was proactive in responding and spurred our meeting with the Commissioner for Women Affairs Minna and Permanent Secretary.
In closing she said, “I will continue to carry out advocacy at the highest level through Future Assured (her NGO) in collaboration with the Ministry of Women Affairs.
Mrs. Sunbo Alake was not on hand to take the Vote of Thanks. Mr. Adetunji stepped in to concisely thank key players, participants as well as Mrs. Osinbajo who he referred to as Visioneer of TWHHI.
Realising that this historic event would go down without a word on the exclusion of widows, I had to do a sprint to get to a wifi area. Abuse limits us all. Disinheritance is why I don’t have wifi at home as all I own by legal right as wife of Bola Omoteso, including property and precious belongings were impounded in Nigeria and USA by in-laws who rode on the backs of attorneys, executive, judiciary, legislature, police and bank to perpetrate fraud. Can I not afford wifi? I can but I am technically homeless and forced to live on the brink as I seek JUSTICE. Many widows cannot afford basic amenities and so cannot be part of such technology based conversations. It would have been well thought through to have a live radio broadcast with FREE SMS to mobile phone subscribers across Nigeria to ensure millions have access to the robust CONVERSATIONS and short films.
The films unveiled succinctly brought to the fore the many facets of gender abuse which include control and dominance. The short films focused on what ought to be in terms of prompt visit, investigation and subsequent arrest of abuser by “Investigator from Police Department on Allegation of physically abusing your wife” rather than the sad reality abused females face now with some dying in the situation. It was apt that decision making and ACTION was put in the hands (mouth) of the abused and the public as represented in one film by neighbours.
“You offer me gifts that come in boxes... I won't let you box me up in a coffin. I’m a human being! I am tired of being victimised... This is no love.”
Apt words that should become a quote for advocacy and activism to end female abuse in Nigeria and by extension be a force to inspire change globally.
It is noteworthy that many NGOs were represented on the platform including Men Engaged Alliance, Mirabel Centre (focused on sexual and domestic abuse), Media Concern
and of course Cares Global Network and Walk With Widows Initiative.
Just 1 minute before the symposium closed, my sprint birthed result and I was able to represent millions of widows by adding our voice through the post below which I sent to everyone:
Great Conversation... I commend Mrs. Dolapo Osinbajo on this effort to again bring to the fore human rights issues that concern us all. All positive effort will count towards JUSTICE FOR FEMALES.
I am happy to join. Sadly this conversation has done what many have done, EXCLUDE WIDOWS.
We must include widows. WIDOW ABUSE is a major and critical part of gender based violence.
Already we have opened up conversation on many fronts including with Mrs. Pauline Tallen and Dr. Amina Abubakar Sani Bello. We will be happy to be invited on board by all interested in including widows.
I am a victim of widow abuse following my husband dying from medical negligence in Nigeria after signing on [as an expatriate] to help the nation. I have become a voice for myself and all other widows.
Thank YOU.
Dr. Omolola Omoteso
Executive Director, Cares Global Network
Chair, Walk With Widows
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