Widows + Government

Widows & Government

Dr. Omolola Omoteso nee Famuyiwa

BA, MA, MEd, MBC, DBC

Consultant, Counsellor, Advocate, Author

Project Director, Cares Global Network

Twitter/Facebook: @AnneMuyiwa

6.12.18 Lagos, Nigeria

Greetings

I thank Ms. Ifeyinwa Nwakwesi, the President of Almanah Hope Foundation for the great work she is doing. I thank her for the opportunity to add my voice as we contribute to national and social development by extending the frontiers of justice as it relates to widows. Standing on existing protocols, I greet all here present, especially all stakeholders working to uphold the inalienable rights of widows.

Introduction

The term widow refers to a woman who remained legally married to a man now deceased. For a marriage to be considered legal, it must have been certified under constitutional or customary law. Some states make reference to religious laws but this is sadly not nationally recognised under the Nigerian Law except backed up by customary or constitutional law. To avoid a debate, we will focus on customary and constitutional law.

Body

It is imperative to know the terms that sum up the topic - Widow and Government.

1.     Who is a widow? A widow is a woman whose husband is deceased. A widow is NOT a charity case. Newsflash! All married women are potential or kinetic widows. Opposite is widower but that frame is seldom abused. The word does not exist in the Bible.

2.     Who is the government? For the purpose of this discussion, this is any group with the authority to govern or oversee marriage. In-laws are not considered government but for those married under customary law, in-laws especially family heads or parents, have a say.

3.   We cannot talk about widows and government without talking about responsibilities. Many parents and families are involved in weddings especially traditional engagement. So they have implicit responsibilities.  Couples have responsibilities and so does the government.

4.     What are the responsibilities of couples? This is essential because widowhood does not exist in a vacuum; the death of a married man, produce a widow. Many couples have children, siblings or parents they are responsible for. When death occurs, interests jostle for attention.

5.     What are the responsibilities of in-laws especially elders in the family? The responsibilities of elders are similar to government but covers families, clans or communities. Sadly many elders have eaten sour grapes and their teeth are set on edge. The humane responsibility of elders, parents and siblings in maintaining peace in the home may be eaten up by GREED.

6.  What are the responsibilities of the government - local, state, federal? To provide enabling environment for the safety, protection, growth and empowerment of humans and businesses.

7.   What is empowerment? Empowerment is not rice and oil. It is an abuse for empowerment to be politicised. Empowerment is authority or power given to someone to do something. When you hand over a baton to an athlete in a race, you have empowered the athlete to run. When you give a woman a sperm cell, you have empowered her to translate it into an embryo. Empowerment is the process of making one stronger and more confident especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights. When women are empowered with reformed probate laws then they are positioned to confidently DEMAND, not plead, not beg, not submit to injustice, rites and rituals but demand their human rights as lawfully wedded wives.

8.  What is the root cause of abuse, injustice, wicked widowhood rites, rituals, stigmatisation and disinheritance of widows? We just nailed it. The root cause is lack of empowerment, lack of information, lack of support system, lack of preparedness for the inevitable, lack of government policies, bills or laws for widows to stand on. This is why we are addressing the issue of widows and government.

9.  What can we all do to address the root cause? Advocacy. You can support initiatives like the Widows Summit and Walk With Widows to change the narrative of widowhood in Nigeria.

10. Two weeks ago I led others to celebrate widows via a novel initiative tagged, “Walk With Widows”. In addition to all we did to celebrate widows, including medical checkup, makeup and other therapeutic interventions to lift their spirit, we drew up a 10 points agenda on what the government can do to alleviate the suffering of widows. I hope government officials are here listening. I hope journalists and stakeholders’ would help amplify the 10 Points Agenda:

10 Points Agenda

There are agendas for men, agendas for women. All women and men must take seriously the need to emancipate widows by eradicating all harmful practices against them. Women MUST support women. How? ACTIVELY, we give loans to women. Iofffer counselling butmany widows cannot afford to pay… Just cause for the widows should be important to men because they have women as mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, friends, cousins and/or nieces. Stakeholders must take seriously issues concerning widows so the burden of disenfranchisement of widows is not on the government.

Collated from our meeting and submission by widows and others, here are 10 points that all stakeholders must work on to alleviate the suffering of widows in Nigeria. This can be updated.

      i.         Education and employment support for widows and their children.

     ii.         Business and career support e.g. discounted shops, low interest loans and skill training.

   iii.         All dehumanising customs, rites and rituals that are targeted against widows should be scrapped, advocacy done to condemn such and bills should be passed or laws promulgated to criminalise victimisation and stigmatisation of widows.

   iv.         The Federal Government should institute Widow Welfare Fund. Married men should be mandated to pay monthly stipend into an endowment fund payable at death to widows.

     v.         Establish low cost plans e.g. health plan, housing scheme.

   vi.         Sponsorship of and/or support for therapeutic initiatives to provide counselling towards healing, encouragement and upliftment to widows e.g. Walk With Widows by Bola Memorial Watch.

  vii.         Agency for widows to provide support - mentally, socially, spiritual and financially. This will assist with issues and alleviate suffering e.g. donation of food items.

viii.         Reform of Probate Laws e.g. There must be a rule for instance that Death Certificate can only be collected by widows, bank certificate should not be issued before oath taking, process of grant of probate and letter of administration should be less cumbersome etc.

    ix.         State run pro-bono attorney services should be available to ensure widows are NOT cheated out of their right of inheritance.

     x.         Pass bill making inheritance rights for widows mandatory regardless of offspring.

Conclusion: Final Word on Widows and Government

Personal Experience 

My campaign for widows began with #JusticeforOmolola. Why? I was abused in Nigeria and the USA because the Nigerian Law has holes through which fraud can and was perpetrated against me as a widow. Lagos State Judiciary was complicit in the abuse I experienced. How? LSJ issued a bank certificate in my name to my husband’s brother without my knowledge. When I asked the Lagos State Judiciary (LSJ) to retract the document, I was told to litigate. Widows who have the money lack the strength to pursue cases. Sadly the case brought against me because of a document issued illegally by LSJ in my name in Nigeria has continued in the USA for about two years and I have lost a 1.5M$ property. My husband’s brother’s wife collected illegally the original death certificate for Bola Omoteso and used this to apply for letter of administration in my name in Nigeria. The judiciary in the USA does not believe this is possible. They also do not believe that an application for LA, which led to issuance of bank certificate in my name, could have been done without my knowledge. Sadly, holes in our probate law made this fraud possible. A letter by the Lagos State Government to the Bergen Surrogate Court New Jersey would solve this abuse but who is the government? Who can be held responsible? Who can a widow run to where there are no policies? Hopefully the 10 points agenda would bring an end to such stories which sound no less like Nollywood only that women, real women have been compelled to pay the price. Some have broken down under such abusive weight and lost their lives in the process.

Marriage is a thing of joy so widowhood is NOT a curse. One is pre-warned of the reality of sickness and death during wedding as you read, “...in sickness and in health.” You repeat, “Till death do us part.” But, no one dwells on it. Prayers drown the reality of death as you dance and dine.  Mamas and Papas, biological and spiritual, will pray, oko o ni ku mo aya l’ori, aya o ni ku mo oko l’ori (husband will not die on top of wife + vice versa). Seldom does this happen, as couples learn the limits of sexual interaction based on level of libido. But reality is that death is sure. Life is short and living means we are candidates for death. We only pray home call will tarry and death will meet good works in our hands. 

Before death arrives to truncate the joy of marital union, government must take up their role as administrators and use all parastatals including health, security, media, education etc. to come up with policies and bills that would #EndWidowAbuse, put together a legislative agency that would #ReformProbateLaws as well as respond to issues widows go through so as to achieve the end result of changing the narrative of widowhood in Nigeria by seeking #JusticeforWidows. I ask all here present, can we?  Yes, we can!

The paper has come to an end but I urge us all to continue the conversation and advocacy. You have been an awesome audience, thanks for listening. God bless you, God bless all those working to end widow abuse, God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.