Like many other Valentines I’m receiving calls from all over and lying in bed wondering what to do with me. It would have been great to show some love to the homeless, those in hospitals, friends going through tough times yet I have nothing planned save for a couple of I care calls.
Yesterday, I watched Oprah interpret Valentine in a way that brought tears of joy to my eyes as I saw a woman make it happen for her hubby through a Patti LaBelle duet - her husband idolized this icon, a lady said I love you to her grandma through a red convertible Volkswagen (please don’t think old beetle o even beetle has come of age in this depressing times) and a guy went all out via a Super Bowl infomercial to say the ILY words.
While watching the show, I thought of all the men that have walked – some aimlessly – into my life. All have taught me life lessons, some have made my life beautiful and some have made me wonder on what side of the bed I woke to such weird collusion.
1.
He was full of life and so bold. At a time when others felt I had a fire they wouldn’t dare he dared beyond words but much more than words were needed with a woman that could read your head and give you a run for your affection. His friend had more than words but as close as I was to his friend; it was he who was asking. At the end, it was religion which should speak peace that came between me and this lovely soul.
2.
He was upbeat yet quiet and I’m still wondering how those two qualities got matched and how love played me into the hands of this Ilya Kegito at a time when you had to spend five months to actually make me understand you are trying to spell love. He spelt it eventually but sex and unfaithfulness became a divider. When Holy Spirit saved my behind from his cult neighbour who tried to rape me to prove a point that the no-sex-now woman could be forced into action, I knew walking away would save lives.
3.
A friend and another friend. How do I make these two friends understand that I’d rather let go of both of them than knock heads or be split in half. One was mature; filled with equal measure of cares and lies. The other was timid; filled with equal measure of niceness and jealousy. I arranged one for a friend who didn’t mince words in letting him know she loved him and the other went to sow his lies to the woman who could live with it.
4.
Service year brings orisirisi. Handsome and nice, playboy of sort yet hello-hi brought us together. Isn’t it okay to ask for a line to be drawn between friendship and love? But this made him cry and he never just could get over my assuming we were friends because he didn’t ask for love. Duh!
5.
Handsome and fun to be with yet lack of self esteem colour ones life with such dark hues. How I prayed and hoped this would step up and step in. But after all the compromise on both sides, it was esteem that changed the multiplication to division. Years after, even his “You were my first true love... I realized it late” couldn’t change the hues. When he had my number, you needed a sacrifice to enjoy a meaningful chat now he wants my number but he'd need his madam's permit.
6.
A social butterfly; all his friends knew he had finally found the woman of his dreams but the woman – me – did not get wind of it until he was signed on the sacrificial altar to someone else. Hmn; no matter how socially aware you are some guys just need to return to school to learn the basics of living and loving.
7.
A “spiri” brother. You visit a woman and spend quality time yet all you have to lay on the table is that you’ve got similar talents. Geez! There’s got to be more about asking a woman out that church men are yet to figure out. Just the mere thought of #3 returning into my life drove this one beyond the bend. It drove him so hard that he consented to me paying for lunch on what became our last date; why spend my money when she may not say yes.
8.
Every one questioned what I saw in this News Producer. Like most of the men that come my way, he spelt his intention out in misty letterings yet it was obvious he wanted more than work relations. I loved him so much but the humane me began to question the hearts he would break if our bi-racial contract saw the light of day. It was hard to watch him go but it wasn't my letting go that broke my heart. I respected and believed in him so much that it was not an issue to speak up for him to get a position at my new work place only to find out the position he consented to was the very one I held. Still I thought, if I ever thought he could be my spouse then working together shouldn't be a problem but soon he began to play boss. I hid my hurt by stepping aside.
9.
The day he walked into my apartment and said, “You live alone?”, I knew my independence will cut this one loose. We met on the wires and then physically and then he’d call in the middle of the night and when I become half awake and call him back expecting to hear the love lines he’d say, “That’s how I call to hail my friends”. Common! In the middle of the night? Well, it turned out his dream was to sojourn to her Majesty’s land and he found a woman who made it happen. At a time when neither he nor I knew God would send me to the land of opportunity, he walked away. This loser called to say I love you on board a plane to be knotted to his wife. He wanted the dance to continue but the music was out.
10.
Geez! The way people try to hook me up yet they fail to see that though the calendar calls me mid-age and society questions why I haven't found a man to zip my gown, I am just not in a hurry to hook up with the wrong guy. The way this banker came at me, you'd think I need a lawyer to make a case for three months courtship. The impression of him by my senior colleague who introduced us was genuine from her side of the spectrum. With prayers, it became obvious that his plan was to have me foot my own bill across the ocean (he graciously offered to share) to gratify his libido during the yuletide season and possibly work out his study abroad while scheming to join me. This is my second tale across race line.
11.
All the way from Nigeria, he travelled to meet the woman of his fantasy yet from his first phone call “I’ll kill somebody o” I knew I had bitten more than I could chew. A Prophet warned but love had driven me round the bend to give illusion a chance. In one week I knew a grave was dug and going ahead with this one would only mean planning a funeral. To avoid blood on my hands, I let him cut loose.
12.
For years he circled my mountain; sending mails, gifts and calling. When we swung a date across borders to meet friends, family and church, I said just maybe. But in time, I found out that academics teach you how to get great grades but not how to do something as simple as making up your mind about who you love. When he did make up his mind, even the woman was surprised to find out she’d be married in one week.
13.
What sort of men are now out there? At times I wonder what the married gave in exchange for their sanity. Kind-hearted, nice, understanding yet I still don’t get how you can initiate sex with a woman you are yet to see physically; maybe I’m old school. Depression has a way of robbing you of the future; a sane man would rather bury his wild emotions to get a woman of his dreams. After all, the woman would have to learn to live with your freaky ways once the papers are signed.
14.
How do you become a captain when you don’t apply to the marine or naval corp? When handshake passes elbow you need to begin to ask questions. One moment he was asking us to be friends, the next moment he was insisting that two masters cannot steer the ship. His mails are now unreplied and he is still asking whether to find his square root. There was never a square how then would it have been rooted?
There’s still my great friend whom death took from us some years ago, my very first admirer who wrote me a letter per day when I was rather young to understand, the love-at-first-sight guy I met in Niger State whose name I'm still trying to figure out, the UN man who locked up his love for me in his heart to save his calling, the pharmacist (or is it physiotherapist) who just couldn’t get the words out, the free-thinker lawyer who is on the brink of divorce, the newscaster whose wife signs off with his name, the senator who is mapped out as having integrity, the scientist who believed being nice should be interpreted as being in love, the doctor who had a woman abroad and the watch-seller who thought being in choir with me was license for dating and the professor who would call for an academic meeting just to chat and the visa lottery immigrant who had the effontery to ask for the size of my 'attack' and 'defence' (asking him for size in response made him mute) and the old school mate who discreetly omitted mentioning he was married and the call center guy turned banker who spent two years researching me but never really found out the most expedient information - I just don't date younger guys (!) and…
On a day like this, I’m wondering how I have attracted such wide range of…
Yet, there are three beautiful souls that my heart go out to at a time like this. One taught me how to open my heart to love – he is hooked on a sister in Christ, the second is teaching me how to accept love – he is hooked on a long lost friend, the third – hooked on himself – is teaching me about waiting patiently when in 36 years that’s one great lesson I have learned.
Happy Love Day (c) Excerpts from Men. Men, Men!
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