Agony of Widowed Father Who Plays Mother's Role by Shakiru Fashina

A Nigerian journalist who lost his wife during stillbirth a week before her 35th birthday left with a three-year-old son. Given his very terrible and bitter experience of the demise of both mother and child at labour, I fainted instantly; I can't hold the shock; it was devastating; I lost everything because my life is meaningless without my better half. She is everything a man will wish for in a woman. I can't question God though, but it's extremely painful and an unfortunate experience for me.

Attribute her death to unprofessionalism by the nurse on duty and carelessness of My mother-in-law, who was receiving calls in front of my late wife, reiterating the lost child to people. I think that's what really made her BP rise uncontrollably before giving up the ghost. The responsibility of a two-turns one silently goes about the responsibilities—the unsung hero of his child's lives. Single fathers like this deserve a special salute despite being fraught with challenges. Onaolapo Olalekan Oduola shares this with Fly Cable News reports.  

Hear from the horse's mouth the agony of a single father.

The demise of my late wife exposes me to the other side of life. Humans are unpredictable beings. We have the tendency to change at any given time, and that has a phenomenon that we cannot comprehend because only God knows and only He alone can be perfect. But my experience as a single father has a ripple effect on the decisions I have been taking lately.

 

Since the demise, I've witnessed and experienced torture from my mother-in-law and my late wife's siblings. They have not been cooperating at all. At the funeral, they had access to my room; they carted away all that belongs to her (her phones, wearables, documents, and credit cards), unknowing to me. I was in shock because it was the least I expected from those I see as family. I never knew what was coming until a few weeks after I was called by cemetery attendance to come seal off the grave. While that was going on, her junior sister called and said that she needed to have the last phone that I bought with my own money for my late wife. I was shocked, drained, perplexed, and flabbergasted; I couldn't imagine what she was thinking or what's happening.

 

How could she? I just lost her sister, my lovely wedded wife. It was unbelievable; I can't even imagine, so I let that slide, but I had to reach someone older to relate with for the family to know what's going on, to my dismay; the responses I received afterwards had not been palatable.

 

After that day, it was November that the Lagos state government marked distressed buildings in my area, and mine was involved. I went to the hospital because I was placed on medical examination since I lost my wife. That afternoon I received a call that my house was about to be demolished by the officials of the Lagos State Building Control Agency under the directive of Lagos State Governor Mr. Babajide Olusola Sanwo-Olu. 

 

I dashed from the hospital straight home, but on my way I called my late wife's family since they have other valuables that belong to her. She came with a Volkswagen transport vehicle to cart all that was left of her and left with my belongings. I called a few friends that were around to help.

It wasn't a nice experience; the pain intensified because my late wife and I already planned that she wouldn't give birth here in Nigeria, but God knows best. She had her first degree at the University of Lagos University; we are planning for another degree in the UK, and that encouraged me to pay for her international course, which she couldn't attempt before she died.

 

I made the move to secure another apartment, but I was outsmarted by a fraudulent caretaker who absconded with $1.350 million paid for a mini-flat at a little too far from my previous residence. The day I was to move in, I met another occupant with a full load in there. I reached out to the caretaker but to know avail. When I eventually reached him, he told me my money was gone. How do I cope? I lost my wife; I lost my home; now it's another rootless experience from a man of God. 

 

Well, as a law-abiding citizen, I went straight to lodge a complaint at Denton Police Station before proceeding to Panti Police Station (Anti-Robbery Unit) Adekunle. While that was on, I tried as much as possible to make some move because I cannot afford to be homeless; I have a child to care for. He's staying with his grandma (my late wife's mother) long and short of it. I took another step that led to his arrest; I recovered the sum of $1.150 million with an undertaking that he'll refund in due time.

 

Be that as it may, I secured another apartment (a 2-bedroom flat) at Ilasa Mushin. I thought it was over; that was actually the beginning of my ordeal. My mother-in-law became something I can't express; she tortured me, she threatened me, and she reminded me of my late wife every day because, not for her demise, my son would have remained with me. I am a busy man; I work 24/7 to make sure my family receives the best treatment as a caring father and loving husband. She kept threatening me with my life and that of my son.

 

I am a responsible man, so I know what it takes to be there for my boy. I never let him feel the vacuum of my late wife. My family, however, has been supportive too, but because the demise of my wife left me and my mother-in-law with an open wound, I obliged that my son stay with her, not knowing that was my greatest mistake. I took her as my own mother.

 

At first she disenfranchised me full access to my son; she extorted me almost every two weeks; she tormented me to the point she went to Alakara police station to report that I wasn't father enough; I wasn't living up to responsibility as a father just because I want my boy to spend the weekend with me. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law laid ambush on me, tore my clothes, and disgraced me in the presence of my son before I was invited, and to their dismay, I didn't appear as described, and that drew the officers attention to know more about me, my occupation, and my late wife. They saw it as a family issue and advised we settle it amicably for my late wife's soul to be at peace.

 

She requested I pay her the sum of $20,000 as upkeep for a 3-year-old boy. Where is it done? Section 25 of the Child Rights Law stipulated that "I, the father, in case of the demise of my wife, SHOULD HAVE 100% CUSTODY OF MY SON'S FUTURE; more in case I don't pray for now that I am no more, my father should be in possession of my son." Well, it's nothing of my son, but I have spent; I was duped and in grievous pain. I thought she'd understand, but no, she doesn't. I, out of pity for my son, gave her 15,000 naira. To my surprise, I was called two weeks after that, and the money has been exhausted. For crying out loud My son is just 3; he can not even finish a 300-naira meal. At Christmas, I requested to take my son out because when my late wife was alive, that was how we spent our holiday. They reluctantly released him to me.

 

I wasn't even pulling any strings because these people don't understand how valuable they are to me. I cherished them even more than I do to my own immediate family. It's just so pathetic. That went on; during this period, I never made an attempt to report or take any legal action whatsoever. They kept visiting. How can you not take care of your grandson? What if I don't have a job? What if I left the country unannounced? What if I don't care?

 

One faithful day, my mother-in-law sneaked to my residence; she met my landlady on her way in; unfortunately, my landlady couldn't recognise her; she had to reintroduce herself. She (my landlady) accommodated her and listened to all she had to say before she took her leave. When she left, she went straight to Alakara Police Station again to lodge a complaint about what I know nothing about.

 

Luckily this time, my landlady escorted me and represented my mother. After long deliberation, the IPO in charge pacified both parties and advised that they let me have access anytime or any day I want to see my son. As if that was not enough, my next attempt was worse. I nearly lost my life for requesting to see my son. These experiences are gradually eroding the feeling to marry another woman because who knows what experience I'll go through from her family too?

 

Not withstanding, during this period of torment and torture, they took my son to parties, and God knows where. Sometimes, they never return till around 11 p.m. or the next day. Imagine a boy experiencing this at a very tender age. What on earth will a boy of 3 years be doing in a party till 11 p.m.? I believe in building a strong foundation as an elite for my boy. I've done everything in my capacity to make sure he lacks nothing, not even the absence of his mother.

 

To my greatest surprise, when I called that my boy would be with me during this festive period, my mother-in-law told me emphatically that she kept my son somewhere for reasons best known to her. I can't imagine this statement with how it made me feel I have to report back to Alakara Police Station, where they knew all that has been happening. On getting there, she was mandated to first reveal the whereabouts before a stipulated time and that she should provide my son on or before Thursday. But because of who she is, she refused to adhere. On Thursday, I was summoned in the morning, hoping my son was already in their custody. After all efforts, the case was transferred to Gender Unity in Ikeja, where SP Bimbola took over.

 

When my accomplice Inspector Phillips from Alakara and I got to Ikeja, I received a call that she (my mother-in-law) had been arrested with my son. She was transferred down to Ikeja, where the law took place. She was briefed adequately on the rights of a father and her stand. To God be the glory, my son is now with me, and we are living fine.

 

So if you ask me, it has not been a beautiful experience that my lovely wife is no more.May her gentle soul continue to rest in peace. Were there things that give you joy about them, and how do you spend your pastimes with them? Absolutely yes! The joy of fatherhood is written all over me now that my child is in my custody. I can at least know how he feels, I can get him what he wants at the right time, we talk always, and I am not playing my role as his father adequately and as prescribed by our norms, tradition, and the law.

 

Our pass time is well spent. My son enjoys playing video games, singing nursery rhymes, going on tours, and of course visiting the rest of my family. My late wife missed me so much. May God forgive my shortcomings and grant her internal rest. May God bless me and my son too.

Surviving Times of Crisis...

Crisis of any kind, including death of a loved one, can throw you off balance and leave you grappling for air like someone drowning.

Noting tios building resilence and friendship can make the difference between dying and living, suffering and surviving.

In times of crisis, the following are essential tips to help you get by:

1. Faith or Spirituality: Your belief system will go a long way to determine your state of hopefulness and hopelessness. Connect to God or something greater than you; higher power, for comfort, solace, strength and guidance. Faith practices like praying and praising God would help turn our minds away from the crisis to Christ. Putting spiritual connection first can provide a strong foundation for navigating challenging times.

2. Connect to social contacts: Supportive relationships helps us survive crisis so connect with loved ones, family, friends, and community to provide support and practical help. Connect with those who can be present, listen, and encourage you to process your feelings.  Social contact provides us with opportunities to share our thoughts and our way of doing things. Try to think about the potentially good outcomes of a crisis – do not focus only on worst case scenarios.

3. Basic Needs: Access to food, water, shelter, and healthcare. Have an emergency stockpile of essential items, such as medications, prescriptions, pain relievers, and antacids. Also paper goods like toilet paper, paper towels, and disposable utensils. Non-perishable food items like rice, pasta, peanut butter, and canned goods. Other essentials like batteries, flashlights, and candles may come in handy.

4. Emotional Resilience: Coping skills and stress management are things that you should already have under your belt. If not, learn them and put them into action. For instance don't drink or dream and drive. Quit any behaviour like smoking, alcohol use that can affect your cognitive ability. Choose to be happy and manage your feelings.

5. Communication: Staying connected with others and access vital information. The root of the crisis will guide how to resolve it. If you are out of cash, you need information on how to resolve that. If you want to travel, speak with those who have travelled.

6. Hope and positivity: Finding meaning, purpose, and a sense of control. Think and believe that things can only get better and express in your words that you will survive and thrive.

7. Self Care: Make sure you get enough rest or sleep, eat well and healthy, and engage in exercises that bring you joy. You can try relaxing activities like swimming or meditation, practice gratitude, and take breaks. Keep in mind that taking care of your physical and emotional needs is crucial.

8. Seek Professional Help: Counselling, therapy, or coaching is accessible when needed. The living ask for help and there is always help around you when you let God lead you. Be sure to reach out to someone who can help you without shaming you.

9. Financial Stability: Do you have savings, insurance or financial assistance; time of crisis is when to draw from that resource. Ask yourself more can you do to be financially stable. Is there something you can sell, can you downsize, can you diversify, can you create art, can you translate trash to treasure.

10. Flexibility and Adaptability: Develop the ability to adjust to changing circumstances. Try to understand normal reactions to tragedy and avoid negative thoughts and behaviours. You can try to bring humour into your day or make out time to watch comedy.

Remember to lean on your loved ones, friends, and community for emotional support, and nurture your spiritual practice to find peace and guidance. The time of peace is when to find your 5... 5 people you can call on in times of crisis.

And please do not hesitate to reach out for professional help when needed.

You got this! And remember, you are not alone. Anne cares and she is here for you

Chaplain Anne

aka Rev. Dr. Omolola Omoteso

Justice for Widows Press Conference 2024

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed members of the press, attorneys, leaders andstakeholder from all works of life, fellow advocates and activists for justice

We gather today to shine a light on a critical issue that affects countless women and families worldwide: the marginalisation, disinheritance and disenfranchisement of vulnerable widows.

Widows are often deemed to be invisible though we have them in every family and every community. They are intentionally ignored and often excluded from decision-making processes that affect their lives. They face discrimination, stigma, and poverty, simply because they have lost their husbands.

But today, we say: enough is enough!

A woman should never lose her man and lose her mind, money or mansion.

I stand with all the widows joining us to demand justice for widows. We demand equal rights, equal opportunities, and equal access to resources and support from institutions creates for the betterment of the society - the police, the judiciary, the media, the legislature, the executives and the fourth estate of the government the media.

In 2020 when the Holy Spirit gave me August 18 as day to bring widows and others together, all I could think of then was that the date marked 2 months following my husband's death. But in July this year it dawned on me that this is an important date in the history of the emancipation of women. On August 18 1920 the United States of America signed the 19th Amendment which accorded women the right to vote as electorate. A right repressed for years. The Women's Air Derby of 1929, a historic air race held in the United States beginning August 18 was the first official women's air race in the United States and marked a significant milestone in aviation history. Twenty women pilots participated in the race, including famous aviators like Amelia Earhart, Ruth Elder and Louise Thaden, who won. The Women's Air Derby of 1929 demonstrated women's capabilities in aviation, paving the way for future generations of female pilots and inspiring countless women to pursue careers in aviation. This groundbreaking event showcased women's determination, skill, and passion for flight, leaving a lasting legacy in the world of aviation.

Today women continue to make strides in all professions.

We call on governments, civil society and international organisations to:

- Recognise the rights of widows and protect them from discrimination

- Provide economic empowerment and support to help widows rebuild their lives

- Ensure access to education, healthcare, and social services for widows and their families

- Reform probate laws and strengthen marriage certificate as sufficient documentation to carry on in the event if spousal death and

- Criminalise the abuse, enforcement of wicked rites and rituals, disinheritence, dehumanisation of widows

Advocacy will continue until widows are treated with dignity and respect. Yeara ago the plan was to do a protest and picket courts but as a woman of prayer and great faith, the Holy Spirit warned me not to add to the stress of widows by taking them into the sun to protest. Rather I was led to celebrate widows. Hence annually with the support of family and friends we celebrate widows and give welfare packages during three seasons - Easter, International Widows Day and Christmas.


Today, we ask each of us present, what have you done, what can you do and what will you do to bring us closer to the day when the President, Governors and Senators will pass policies, bills and laws that will mend widow abuse in our nation.

Will you be the voice within your class, corporation, community, clan, church, mosque and association that says no to widow abuse. Will you fulfil the mandate in Proverbs 31:8-9 that we should speak up for the voiceless and vulnerable and serve justice to widows and orphans.

Widows have a part to play in achieving peace in our nation. Rather than steal inheritance from them, the loss of husband they have experienced can be turned to national gain as those in the corridors of power create a home for orphans and street children through partnership with widows. This will mitigate hooliganism and terrorism. The time is due for Widows Agency as existing channels like the National Human Rights Commission have failed to serve justice to widows.

Until widows have a seat at the table and a voice in the decisions that affect their lives we at Walk With Widows Initiative relentlessly call for justice in hope that response in time will mitigate the need to protest publicly.

Join us in this advocacy for justice. Together, we can make a difference.

I welcome you and trust that we will have a fruitful delebration.

Thank you.

Democracy Day in Nigeria is Actually Deception Day by Babafemi Badejo, Ph.D

On June 11, 2024, at about 5pm., I was at my friend, Prof. Femi Onabajo’s office to listen to Al Jazeera as well as charge my phone before returning to my apartment in Abeokuta for the usual dark nights and of late, no water. There was no water, not because the Ogun state government or the local government authority responsible for my place of abode had a temporary delivery problem. The two levels of governance eagerly collect taxes, share federal allocations meant to care for all of us, but never provide one of the reasons that people pay taxes and are sharing revenues for in other climes. 

As a kid, I joined my parents in dancing all over the streets when the self-government authorities provided pipe borne water and electricity to Ijebu-Ode, where I was growing up. But all that has become history, at least in Lagos, Abeokuta and Ijebu-Ode, places I am familiar with. State and local government authorities, do not provide water anymore. Hence cholera outbreak with many deaths in a Nigerian state claiming to be the 7th richest political space when compared with countries in Africa.

Very fortunate to have a very good friend, retired Justice S. Abidoye Olugbemi, who insisted that I must have light in Abeokuta. I decided I would not bring my stand-by generator from Lagos or buy another one. He went ahead to lend me his stand-by generator. I had concluded against setting up another personal mini-local government in Abeokuta as I run in Lagos. In Lagos, I supply my water since no-one in most areas of Lagos receive water supply from a central arrangement as once was the case. With an inverter and generator fueled by impossibly expensive diesel fuel in comparison with Nigerian earnings, I meet my energy needs, in Lagos. In Abeokuta, the borrowed petrol fueled generator has never been easy for me to manipulate, so I hardly use it. On rare occasions, I call on my friend to come over and help crank the generator to save my food stuffs. 

Professor Onabajo and I have come a long way. We did not just meet at Chrisland University where he serves as the Head of the Mass Communication Department as I do the same for Political Science. We both were two of the many Nigerians who were dribbled by our own fake Maradona, a.k.a Evil Genius, who asked Nigerians if they wanted IMF loan with its conditionalities or not. With me serving as a Consultant to the Nigerian Television Authority, Channel 7 at Tejuosho, Femi Onabajo, and other staff members of the media house criss-crossed the heights, valleys, rivers and swamps that made up the entire Lagos state. We sought the views of the people of Lagos State as others did in other states and local governments to give the accurate expression of the will of Nigerians.

The people overwhelmingly rejected the IMF loan and its conditionalities. I compiled the report of our consultations that was in line with responses from all over Nigeria. However, Maradona, like our so-called traditional rulers of yore, under indirect rule knew he could not go against the IMF as his people wanted. He knew he came to power by supplanting Buhari-Idiagbon in a coup that received the support of MKO Abiola, then arguably the richest African as well as external support. It was in their interests to execute the will of the IMF that had insisted on the devaluation of one naira to be equal to one dollar which Generals Buhari-Idiagbon had resisted and instead chose trade by barter having been blacklisted by the West. So, supported by Chief Olu Falae and others, Maradona deceived us that we were going to have our own home-grown answers to our economic problems. He devalued the naira even more than the initial demands of the IMF without the soft loans. We all acquiesced, for want of a better word. As Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, his will held sway. Many of our people, especially from the academia joined the gravy train that he laid out. Those of us who countered him either got, driven into exile or rendered irrelevant as Nigeria continued its ignominious decline. 

As I was glued to the television on the latest situation in Gaza and whatever else, Ms. Taiwo Gbadegesin, Prof. Onabajo’s assistant, came in at the end of the work day at Chrisland University, Abeokuta, and wished us a great holiday on the following day. We were shocked asking which holiday again since the Eid holidays would be on the following week. She quipped it would be June 12th. Oh, we responded in unison. I pondered on the fact that it would be another day in the list of Nigeria’s governance deceptions.

Another deception is that of celebrating independence day as we pretend to be independent in a world of Western indirect rule and control over much if not all of Africa through the Bretton Woods institutions. How can a country be sovereign in a world in which you cannot feed your people? Of course, we collect visa fees at border posts but our value declined radically over time as the external environment dictated. Recently and precisely a year ago, it was announced by a President who in 2012 had boldly written clearly against the economic policy plans of the then President Goodluck Jonathan who was forced to abort the so-called fuel subsidy removal (another thieving design), as well as allowing the naira to “find its level” under the grand deception of market forces that we have been brainwashed into believing is a natural law of human existence. 

In Nigeria, Democracy Day formerly designated as May 29, and now June 12 has been officially set aside to remember and celebrate the return to civilian rule. However, the level of commitment to true democratic principles in the last 25 years raises a lot of doubts. This is why many, including myself have continued to maintain that, saying Nigeria is democratic on the grounds of elections, normally, characterised by shambolic periodic voting is a major deception. As such, any day set aside to celebrate this deception of grandeur, is nothing but a "Deception Day".

I have taken this position aware of the usual widespread soft-spots that make some Nigerians quip that Nigeria’s democracy is a work in progress in spite of the disillusionment with the political system and the persistent challenges undermining the possibility of democratic governance in Nigeria.

More importantly, it is wrong to continue to celebrate the mediocrity of a system from a very limited conception of democracy that runs only with the minimalist election component with respect to “government by the people”, ignoring the two other components of “government of the people” and “for the people”. In this respect, I align with Prof. Bolaji Akinyẹmi, as reported in a very recent piece in the Leadership newspaper, to the effect that what we have is civil rule and not truly a democracy. He showed the failure of our system to deliver so much to ensure better life for Nigerians. He paid dues in the struggles against General Abacha like I also did in a smaller way but outside the formal structures they used.

Even if we try to overlook much and pretend to have a “government of the people”, in which those who govern are from among us, by refusing to see the controllers of our “agbero” leaders who are really in the service of the real drivers but able to pilfer a reasonable portion of national patrimony and store in Panama, Paradise, Pandora, etc., papers, there is no way in which we can usefully define democracy without a focus on what the concept was/is to achieve, i.e., the "for the people" aspect.

The most crucial strive for democracy is towards what I refer to as utmost freedom, an ambitious but a pursuable process, with the right approach to governance, including leadership, reduction of corruption and improvements on the rule of law. Utmost Freedom in itself is the summation of the rights from and the rights to, which are inherent in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) and the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs).

We cannot be democratic if freedom from asphyxiation from failed environmental policies, freedom from thirst and hunger, at the minimalist options are not guaranteed. Along this priority line is also the right to life as the State would normally be expected to guarantee freedom from unlawful killings, whether by kidnappers, bandits and/or terrorists. These four which deal directly with existential realities have superiority over other necessary ones like freedoms of association, thoughts, speech, voting, and religion.

How do we continue in the deceptive celebration of a journey characterised by 2 steps forward and 4 steps backward? Do Nigerians truly have hope and aspirations for a government that respects their rights, promotes transparency, and ensures equitable development? It is very unfortunate that we keep telling younger Nigerians of how better it once was for us as a country. Japa syndrome became important because many of our youths, especially from the southern portions of Nigeria, could no longer see any hope or inspiration for a better Nigeria and are voting with their feet. 

Based on recent official household survey data from Nigeria's National Bureau of Statistics, 30.9 percent of Nigerians lived below the international extreme poverty line of $2.15 per person per day (2017 PPP) in 2018/19; just before the COVID-19 crisis. The situation today can only be worse when we factor the impact of the devaluation in the last one year on costs of the production of foods, including transportation, procurement of medicine and many other manufactured needs. We need not go on and on with respect to qualities of the provision of health and education, unemployment and underemployment, etc.

Herein lies the huge disconnect between the annual ritual of celebrating democracy amidst very unpleasant and harsh realities facing ordinary Nigerians. In spite of the pretentious honour of democracy day by commemorating sham elections, the impact of persistent autocratic practices, including by a corrupt system at different arms and levels of governance, as well as sectors of society, resultant socio-economic inequities, and pains in living continue to bite hard and harder.

Democracy is a governance structural arrangement to guarantee the good life for people in their environment on earth. It is not like religion where benefits and gratification are delayed until existence in a presumed heavenly space. Democracy is for improved lives and living on earth. It is a conception that is superior to the current deceptive fixation on elections irrespective of performance failures of those who put themselves forward as leaders, on accountabilities on many other freedoms that are crucial for human existence. 

The performances of elected office-holders on all crucial freedoms are very important. Whether elected leaders fail on other important freedoms beyond the freedom to vote should be of great concern. Democracy should be a preferred structural arrangement for the strive towards the many crucial freedoms for human existence that are put together as utmost freedom.

*Babafemi A. Badejo, author of a best-seller on politics in Kenya, was a former Deputy Special Representative of the UN Secretary-General for Somalia, and currently a Legal Practitioner and Professor of Political Science & International Relations, Chrisland University, Abeokuta. Nigeria.

Do you feel alienated from God?

Rev. Omolola Omoteso, DMin.

Do you feel alienated from God?

The prayer points, edited below, were from 3 sent to me by my newest friend. Let me expound as the Holy Spirit directed.

Jesus Christ as human, while experiencing an emotional meltdown, a depressive episode, cried out in Matthew 27:46, My God! My God! Why art thou forsaken me!

The question is how could He have been forsaken when it was an 'ajomo' with Divinity. The Psalmist cried out too in Psalm 22:1.

Indeed a man who watched his mother take her last breath at the hospital blurted out as I ministered to him and other loved ones, as Chaplain at the hospital where I presently serve, "Where the hell was God when I needed him few minutes ago!"

Well, that is what humanity does! If we are not careful, flesh and feelings will truncate us from Divinity and we will feel alienated, and if not careful, humiliation would follow. That very mouth, voice, lungs etc. the man I mentioned lamented with, was given to him by who?

God remains God even in your anger, frustration and exasperation. He is always where He was at creation...

You may have experienced such in your life time, where the only question on your lips is where is God. It is important to check first, before you blame God, whether there is sin in your life. Jesus experienced alientation when He was carrying the sin of the world. The Psalmist lamented after he sinned... You may NOT have sinned but paying the price for those you are standing in the gap for.

In the throes of darkness when I returned from the UK to the USA to see that our most expensive home, 88B Myrtle Avenue, Edgewater, NJ, which I laboured with labourers to renovate for 3 years, had been hijacked by enemies brought in by household wickedness and locks changed, and found myself on the street; with just my hand luggage to my name, I made a discovery.

As I sat at the bus stop ready to spend my first night on the street with no active phone to call anyone, I rummaged through my now scattered hand luggage to fish out a moldy ajeku chicken from days before, remnant from my last super in the UK 2 or 3 days earlier, washed it off and prepared to eat it, I was triggered to say out loud, before satanic orchestra would join the host of hell to put ideas in my mind, I AM OMOLOLA, THE DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD.

This proclamation emboldened me. Home or no home, bed or no bed, food or no food, my identity is standing strong in God- unbendable, unshakable, immovable!

That night, as God began to orchestrate His better plan and purpose for my life, I made the greatest discovery. What I see or experience is NOT what dictates whether God is present in my life. What dictates the presence of God is my relationship with God, my belief in the Holy Spirit and the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. Matthew 28:20

Immediately I affirmed God and my place as the daughter of God, things turned in orbit and helpers of destiny were sent to take me up. Within few days I was in a hotel paid for by someone ordained and order to show me God's love. Someone who had abandoned her book project years earlier reached me at the hotel with cash plus plea that God said she must restart and complete the project!

Do you feel orphaned or alienated from God?

If yes, I encourage you to pray these prayer points and become mindful about those times you let your flesh or feeling rule over God in your spirit, soul and body. If yes, I invite you to come to the conclusion I came to years ago, whether I feel it or not - God is in me, for me, by me and with me, ALWAYS.

Prayer Points

1. Lord God, deliver me from any astral or ancestral projection of orphan spirit in Jesus name.

2. Every orchestration of orphan spirit in my life, by the authority of fire, let it be destroyed and consumed in the mighty name of Jesus Christ.

3. Lord Jesus, ignite absolute trust that I have in you and remove every tool and trial of doubt in my life.

4. Almighty God, truncate every satanic isolation manipulating me away from your presence.

5. Baba God, my words are lifeless and powerless without your anointing. Loving Father, reignite the pastoral authority in my life and empower me to manifest your power and glory in Jesus name.

🎶 God has spoken. We have heard. Let the church say AMEN!

Walk With Widows Commissioning and Commemoration

               

Speech by Rev. Dr. Omolola Omoteso, Founder of Walk With Widows Initiative at the

Commissioning of Executives and Committee Members 2023 and

Commemoration of Deaconess Ibiyemi Odu-Famuyiwa's Life and Times

I greet you on this special occasion. I congratulate executives and members. This is a great day for all of us. We have appointed and commissioned executives to ensure that each of us enjoy better life as part of this body God led us to create to walk with widows, advocate for widows, reach out to the unreached and inspire widows and non-widows to excel.

MAMI: My Angel My Inspiration, Deaconess Ibiyemi Oluremi Asake Odu Famuyiwa remained an anointed achiever who excelled and succeeded in all the things she laid her hands on with the help of God. She earned a degree in accounting after she had 5 children, so I don’t know what excuse or limitation you have put on yourself. As a beautiful soprano singer, she sang in church one day and a white dove flew into the church.

What legacy do you want to leave? MAMI taught me honesty, integrity and remained a woman of faith. I shared her image with Pastor Praise Tete who will be praying for the executives. Thank you for joining us sir and for your commitment to our leaders and members. You are blessed and highly favoured.

Though she spent double the years of Jesus Christ, her impact on this earth is why we have the Cares Global Network which gave birth to Prayer Channel for Nigeria, which gave birth to Ibiyemi Fund for Education (IFE) through which some organisations and individuals get gifts to help them with education. IFE gave birth to Bola Memorial Watch which gave birth to Walk With Widows Initiative. My MOTHER remained an advocate for education, especially girl-child education, and she inspired me to be all that people said I will never become. She was my pastor, my spiritual mentor and my prayer partner.

To the topic of Excellence and Success, what would it look like if every one of you is serious about excellence and success in business?

Two of our members just became leaders in a state group! That is what success looks like and I am super excited. They are leaders in the society and leaders here in Walk With Widows Initiative (WWWI). Did they achieve it alone? No. They needed spiritual, physical, social, intellectual, and emotional support to achieve success. I congratulate them and pray that their roles in National Council of Women's Societies (NWSC) will beautify lives, move people forward and positively impact our members.

Still talking about excellence and success, when individuals excel, there would be success in hearts, homes, and homelands. There would be thriving churches, thriving companies, and thriving countries and people will see God's Glory. That is one sermon my husband preached that I would want you to listen to, I will share the link later. God's glory and goodness can be seen through your good works; we are saved for good works. Enemies may want to supervise your shame but if you continue to do excellent works, then God’s glory will be seen, and they will have no choice but to praise your Father in heaven.

Few have been called to serve today but we all have a calling and career. We will climb the ladder of success and accomplishment as we become excellent and share excellence with others because it is our calling to do exceptional work. As we love God more and seek to do His will, God will draw us to do good works and excel and we can continue to do our best through the help of the Holy Spirit at work in us. James 2:26 tells us that faith is dead without good works, without excellence. You are called to serve and to serve well. If leaders serve well in righteousness, followers will do the right thing and the land will experience refreshing times and experience seasons of overflow.

And not only that, when you work within the giftings and abilities that God has given you, and sharpen those skills and abilities, you already have an advantage over others. When you lean into God-given skills and talents, the Holy Spirit will equip you with all you need to do good and excellent work!

Pursuit of excellence is one of the business principles we should all live by as we do our work individually, as a group and for the society. We are image bearers and image makers for Jesus, will we fail? I don’t plan to fail, and I don’t think you should plan to fail because he who plans to fail, will fail to plan. This is a call to excellence and by implication a challenge that will lead you to succeed.

Our God is excellent. What does that mean? Follow God’s example of excellence: Be disciplined. Be diligent. Be determined. Be devoted. Be God's disciples. Walk in His image. God is original, be original. Go the extra mile like God who designed and created the world in an orderly, efficient, and effective manner in 7 God-days. I always say 7-God days because we could NOT have created calendar for God.

I want you to remember 1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation (race), a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people of his possession; that ye should shew forth the praises of God, that you may proclaim the excellencies of God who called you out of darkness into God’s marvellous light.

Another Bible verse explicitly says that we should run the race of life as if we are aiming to get earthy award and eternal reward. Train to be the best and take steps to do the best... for God.

Whatever you are doing, reach those who know better to teach you things. One of the books I published with an achiever of great measure who worked for years with UNICEF and UNFPA is Employees from Heaven. A friend who is older and a minister called me today. I wanted someone to pray with me because this is my MOTHER's tenth year of leaving this world and God led her to call me. You can always tell God your heart and He will send someone to meet your need. She prayed for and with me and we shared her concern as well. The Bible says iron sharpens iron; for this to happen one iron must be connected to another iron. From the prayer she shared with me, I was lifted. From the wisdom I shared, she learned to better handle conflict with in-laws. Learn from God and from others to grow in wisdom.

1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us that even in basic things we should do all to give God glory. In career and calling, do all you do to give God glory. In your executive roles here and other places, in your home and on your job, in your finances and child nurturing, in relating to others and service to humanity, do everything to give God glory! It is very important to serve righteously; the way of the Bible, God’s way.

In our Graceful Women Ministry meeting, a member shared how she finds it difficult to apologise or ask for forgiveness. It is good to say it, but the question is what steps has she taken to do better.

Please write down now 3 things you do well and 2 things you don't do well and would like to improve. For the 5, write things you can do to move forward. Choose one member to be your accountability person. Every 3 days, you and that member should check on one another to find out the steps you have taken to improve on the 5. Share your report with me after 3 weeks.

Colossians 3:23 says do everything with your heart, passion, as unto God. If you have a wicked boss ruthless husband or friend who is NOT really a friend, as you work unto God, God will give you victory.

Esther had victory in marriage and succeeded in emancipating (freeing) her people because she did her service to God in spite of the ruthlessness of her husband, the king. Always remember that you are the light. That light must shine in your heart, home and homeland so that people can glorify God. Matthew teaches us that as Christians we need to be set apart from others. And if you say I am NOT a Christian, you also need to be set apart because you are a child of God. Where the rest of the world is covered in darkness, we are to be light. We are to live as shining examples for others. 

I used to be an appreciation seeker, but God corrected me. Now when anyone thanks me for anything I am quick to say, Na God or Thank God because according to Philippians 2:13 God works in and through me to will (think, make decision, behave right...) and to do of God’s good pleasure. It is because God is working in me, giving me the desire, the power and the strength that I am able to do what pleases God. God always appreciates us by blessing us and that should be sufficient.

To do more or be more, to excel and succeed, you must listen to God and follow what God tells us as worthy disciples. The more you listen - assimilate, understand and act on messages, the more your heart will strategise on how to translate information and knowledge to excellence.

We use the Montessori Method in Excel Leadership Academy (ELA) which is the education arm of Cares Global Network. If you heard Montessori, have no idea what Montessori is, do not ask or did nothing about the information, that is baseless hearing. If you heard and your heart throws up a thinking process about what it is, what it means in relation to ELA, what benefit it is to you, that is listening that should lead you to research, review and use it to your advantage. Good communication skills are incomplete without effective listening which is undervalued. By being an active and attentive listener, you can understand more and improve knowledge and have better relationships. To God’s glory I am the Academy Director at ELA where we heal hearts, inspire minds, transform lives, and mentor followers and leaders. The three key things we teach are based on the acronym, but the mission of ELA is founded on the Yoruba meaning of the word. If you have no idea what ela means, you read or heard the last statement, but listening is faulty or incomplete until you know the meaning of ela.

When you read the Bible, it is important to understand what God means, and what the Holy Spirit is saying to you. Often this calls you to take action - live a Christlike life, release unhealthy emotions, relate better with people and exude joy. What you listen to determines your approach to life. To understand your purpose in life you need to truly listen to and understand God’s calling, promises and prophesies concerning you. This is why I have put together a book titled Promises, Prophesies and Prayers for Widows. Anyone can read it, it is online. To understand, you have to hear rightly - listen.

If you have heard me preach or share, you must have heard the word ASK, said in a way that pushes you to consider asking. Many are afraid to ask. Two key lessons I teach those who attend ELA are - LISTEN, ASK. Embedded in these words are the tenets of leadership and followership to arrive at EXCELLENCE.

Every union includes leaders and followers and how the dynamics of such union is managed stems from how questions are asked and how well parties listen to understand ahead of responding. A leader who cannot listen beyond words said directly, has no business in leadership and a follower who cannot ask directly, has no business in followership. A leader must sincerely LISTEN. L = Listen: I = Integrity. S - Support. T = Train. E = Empathy. N = Nurture. I recollect asking my husband, “Have you trained him?” He complained again and again about a minister who preached instead of teaching; the minister needed to be trained. He was fervent as Christian, but the mistake continued until the leader was trained.

A follower must willingly ASK: Ask. Seek. Knock (Matthew 7:7). Asking is not only about give me this but also, what can I do better? What may I do for you? How may I be of help? When last did you offer help to your friend, parent, pastors, elders, members, those who have been a blessing to you, or strangers God lead you to bless? When last did you offer help to the rich, who have needs in non-financial other areas?

No matter the challenges we face, God has the manual and others have maps for passing through that challenge. Ask for help. Asking for help has never been a sin neither is it shameful. Always ask God who to ask for help because some will intentionally shame you when you ask. Ask how can I better love you? Yes, ask your child, spouse or significant other. How can I do my job or role better? How can I help you become a better Christian? How can I support what you do? How can I be a blessing to the leaders and members of Walk With Widows and other organisations Dr. Omolola Omoteso oversees? ASK.

Asking does not mean you will dance to the whims and caprices of those you ask but you will be better informed about their expectations, and you can modestly respond to the limits you are able to offer.

When you ask, some will give the kind of help or response you desire, others may berate you and others may give less than expected. In all instances, your thought process determines how the outcome will affect you. In life, we must be able to ask God and others questions, towards the actualisation of our plan, purpose, prophecies, promises and the fulfilment of our destiny.

Berebere kii si bere = The asker never miss ask. The Bible is your friend! ASK the Bible instead of google. Ask God through His Word, His beloved, His prophets, His pastors, and His professionals.

Excellence leads to success. Excellence is the quality of being outstanding in all that we do.

Dear brethren, it is not the job you do but the purpose you serve with excellence that leads you to succeed God's way. If I am given a job as a toilet cleaner, everyone who comes in would be blessed by how excellently I have done my job. Many of you are sad because you don’t have the big job. But how well have you done the little God has given to you. In all I do, I seek to do them better and well.

One of my mentees visited to assist with washing, drying and packaging clothes for the less privileged. When I served her a glass of juice, she was so dumbfounded; she looked away. If you are in my office or home, making sure you are comfortable means you could receive a glass of water, juice or snack. Later, God led me to step out to help her peg the clothes. When I did, I saw the clothes on the line. They looked like they were just tossed there! I corrected her that excellence does not mean going the extra mile publicly or for the rich or comfortable, it means serving quality in all you do.

Guess what my favourite verse in the Bible is?

Ecclesiastes 9:10 Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. There is no work once we die, we will only be praising God. In the grave, there is no work; our body will be lying there doing nothing or decaying, but our soul would have returned to The Creator.

A young girl was taken abroad as a domestic servant to an ambassador because she was passionate about helping the woman, a church member. She was fascinated that they were rich, but she was not fixated on wealth, she just wanted to help. She went the extra mile and learned to do her job as servant better as she grew. Today she is a resident in the USA and has her own home with mortgage fully paid. I cared for her when she was unwell, and later when I became homeless, I stayed with her.

In her serving excellently, she got a benefit. In serving her well when she was unwell, I got a benefit. So, there are benefits to service. When you serve well, you get the results and one of the results is success.

Everything we see today will go, including the people. The only three things we have are Trinity, Time and Teams. What we truly have are moments that may soon become memories and we can create these moments with the help of the TRINITY, using our time and working in mutually beneficial teams. While some of us only have memories of departed beloved, many are still creating memories with loved ones.

What memory do you want to leave people with - the way you shoddily apply yourself to assignments or the quality or excellence you continue to serve? As we have seen with many African leaders, sustaining excellence is a challenge. We continue to ask many who have stories especially of survival or success, to post comments or publish books through CGN Books – Cares Global Network Books.

We saw in the Bible how Daniel, a successful leader in national government faced the choice of whether to take a short unethical cut or risk his own life in the midst of cabals, chief of which was his own boss Darius - a pagan. We learn from Daniel because someone published the story. I help people publish.

The Book of Daniel shows us how we should conduct and comport ourselves excellently to be successful. Daniel had an excellent spirit. He was impeccable. He distinguished himself, which led to the king’s decision to promote him. Be rest assured that when enemies find nothing on you, especially at work, they will question your faith and do everything to make you fall!

Did professors, pastors and believers in government during the last tenure in Nigeria lose the spirit of excellence or cabals stifled them? A man or woman in authority, who is led by God is always a threat to the shady dealings of people who are unethical. With an excellent spirit in me, those around me glean and learn. It is not a surprise that my school son became a worthy PR Consultant. It is not a surprise that my son is a Communication Expert, and my daughter is into Administrative Communication.

In Daniel was found an excellent spirit, which counted for much more. Daniel was ethical, upright and responsible, so those who audited him found nothing to nail him. Be excellent to succeed.

I want all of us to start a 19-day challenge using one of the passages below, per day. After meditating, post few words God revealed to you on the group page. You can choose Whatsapp, Facebook or text through your leader. Anyone who completes the 19 days will get a gift at the next meeting. You have to sign in that you will do it. Then do it and share with us daily.

I charge everyone to make out time during the next 3 weeks to mediate on the verses, see what you can improve in your life and take steps to be excellent so you can succeed. Whether you want to be part of the contest or not, I charge you to read, meditate, act, and pray about the following Bible verses:

1. Daniel 6:1-4 
2. Proverbs 20:6               
3. Proverbs 22:9               
4. 1 Corinthians 9:24-25                
5. 1 Corinthians 10:31            
6. Colossians 3:23            
7. Ecclesiastes 9:10          
8. Titus 2:7-8                                     
9. Titus 3:14                                
10. Matthew 5:14-16     
11. Daniel 1:20                  
12. Mark 7:36-37
13. Matthew 7:7               
14. James 1:22                  
15. Isaiah 55 2                   
16. Proverbs 1:33
17. James 1:22                                
18. Malachi 2:2                 
19. John 3:16                     
20. Acts 1:8

I thank you for attending and I want to let you know that I love you, I appreciate you and I look forward to more fruitful years as we serve humanity together. God bless you and keep you, God be gracious to you, God’s countenance be upon you and God give you peace in your heart, home, and homeland.

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate 

about sharing God's words for the healing of others.

African Women in America

African Women in America

Did things get tougher for African Women or to be politically correct, African American Women in USA or it is just me?

Getting housing is herculean for females but I had housing. Getting health insurance is herculean but grace put it in my hands after loss. Getting husband is HERCULEAN… well, for many. With 8 suitors when I became ready, who am I to complain.

Divine Connection continues to help in this regard and we recently flattened the fee curve. Through the model by DC, I was fortunate that my man found me, but cold hands and malicious heart clogged him to death in the nation of his birth where he went just to support his friend and make life better economically for the masses. How I wish he listened to warnings that neither his friend nor family would prioritise his health.

The journey to relevance has been rough, but I have followed my favourite Biblical principle of whatever thy hand finds to do, do it with all thy might… I have worked as counsellor (oh please, I write it with double l), content creator, chef, caregiver, cleaner, coach, coordinator, consultant and of course communicator to bring in the cash.

At one job, I performed so excellently, and a committee came together to offer me Assistant Teacher. I laughed and nicely declined. Even though I left doctorate degree off my resume abi na CV, how sane is it for someone with dual masters to be offered AT in an Elementary School! Even in Nigeria, as far back as 1997, a Principal rejected my NYSC Posting because he insisted my degree in Philosophy is better suited for tertiary education.

At one job, in an attempt for me to fail, no one gave me IEP (Individual Education Plan) for my one on one and review was skipped just to make me falter. I excelled so well that they began to search for faults and the one they found is that I gave Easter gift to Christian student who gave me gift for Christmas. That is what Oremi would call yeye dey smell!

At one job, the African American on the interview panel insisted I was better than my resume, so she got the others to approve for me to apply on managerial level. I was excited, I thought I finally found a truthful company. As the Caucasian to interview me for the role of Manager came to the reception to take me in, he said, I know already how much time I will spend with you. Rather than 30-60 minutes earmarked, he minced no words to convey his preference was for the skin tone called white. Pleas to be made call officer which I applied and was approved for before upgrade fell on deafness... He wrapped up so fast, I wish I told my ride to wait!

 

Even doing “charity” in America has been tough. Books sent to prison to indirectly serve soul care to inmates, returned to us about 3 months after tattered. Though it was presented like it was never opened. The pack was opened, the books were ripped, a note was inside and Fedex refused to reimburse for the damage.

Insurance dollars that should have been disbursed when our property was flooded went into voice note. It is like even the system is wired to take advantage of your gender, status and race!

Like that was NOT enough, 4 homes owned by us were hijacked because a brother in law felt disgruntled about America’s Law of allowing wife serve as legal administrator. Of course, he found conniving Judas among American judges, attorneys, realtors, brokers, and banks. When one of the homes was sold with a huge overage held for me by the NJ Courts, satanic connivers found a way to ensure that no penny made it to me. Who does a widowed woman turn to for solace or solution?

I kept cutting back on accomplishment to fit in until I realised it was time to sign into ministry full time, join the military - my first love, or step up my own company, but even there, hurdles were erected which no one was ready to move. After crisscrossing all arms of military, I found a light at the tunnel of the US Navy but the naturalisation document, stolen or misplaced during the hijack of properties, but verifiable via my social security number became the needle’s eye. As for setting up nonprofit in the US, in spite of submitting all documents, getting 501c became the eye of the needle. Yes, the companies are registered but getting grant remains gagged until the white miwomiwo gods of 501c are appeased.

With thousands of dollars invested in PROSCI, one would expect that connection will emanate from there but alas it was all limitless resources with no window, door or even pinhole for use.

With 5 college degrees – 1 Bachelors, 3 Masters, 1 Doctorate with 2 of the degrees resting firmly on theological principles, usable in any setting desirous of virtuous righteous leanings, plus 5 certifications (I can’t claim one or two aren’t expired), many applications still ended in rejection. Even African American employers avoided multiplying the resource called AA!

But through it all, I have learned to trust in Jesus and sliced through the bars of asunder. In spite of all the rejections, I recorded praise reports and roles kept coming to me to minister soul care and manage special commissions. I worked with the presidency as private consultant, worked as preacher, publisher and content creator, worked as conference coordinator and other roles including doing programmes and projects for the less privileged, and continued to offer transformation and mentorship under Excel Leadership Academy, taking on women in ministry under partnership or mentorship, shaping destinies of children and grandchildren especially when husband abi na husband to be elected to hack into histories sitting on his untamed ego... until two positions opened up without an application, compelling me to remember that God's 5 fold instruction remains engraved:

1. Return
2. Write
3. Complete Manuscripts
4. Don't look for job.
5. Do only the work I send your way.

The two were based on referrals... a call into relevance following an invitation to do what I do best -serve soul care via ministration.

Should you know companies in need of genuine missions to spend their CSR funds especially Dollars, Pounds or Naira on or in need of medical staffing in USA or NG, please reach me. After all the rough seasons, I can confidently say that item #7 is NOT menu, but mansion here and hereafter.

Following 7 years of advocacy, I gracefully step into the season of advancement. Thanks for welcoming me to new beginnings.

Peace.

Appreciation: November 1, 2023

When I read my own righting, abi na writing or typing, only sanity keeps me from saying you mean I typed that! God is good indeed. To all who walked with me, with some daring only to pray while fearing to offer advise that I leave the advocacy lane, thank you. Your prayers caused heaven to lead me to the path of advancement I can manage, which saved me from the morgue.